Tips for a Friendship Break Up

It’s never easy when a friendship ends. Whether you decided to end it because it’s a relationship that’s no longer positive, there was a relationship-ending event, or it was a totally mutual and natural decision to break up – it still hurts. Losing a friend is not talked about nearly as much as romantic breakups are, but it can hurt just as much – if not more – than a romantic breakup. Friends are people you go on adventures with, hang out with constantly, laugh with, cry with, and share priceless moments with. Losing that can be pretty tough, even if it came to a natural end. It’s completely normal to feel down bad.

Here are some tips on how to help you get through your loss, move past it, and hopefully, come to peace with it.

1. Exercise. It may sound ridiculous, but if you are not currently active, adding some grit and sweat to your day will make a huge difference. After losing a friend, it’s likely you're feeling down on yourself and maybe even experiencing some symptoms of depression. Exercise is not a complete cure, but it will definitely help you see the light at the end of the tunnel and get those positive endorphins flowing. It's biological. Now, exercise can take many different forms, so you’re not forced to lift weights in a sweaty commercial gym (unless you want to). Playing sports, going on walks, running, even yoga, are all forms of exercise that will help lighten your mood. Exercise is a simple and easy starting point.
2. Acknowledge your situation. You might think, my situation is obvious, I lost a close friendship. Stating the obvious might technically be acknowledgement, but not in the full sense of the word. Yes, you lost a friend, but how does that affect you now? Are you sad? Or are you feeling relieved? Do you miss them or wish you could take things back? These are important questions that will help you understand your emotional state and process the feelings you’re having so you can heal. By understanding your emotional state, or simply, how your friendship breakup is sitting with you, you have more information to take the right steps forward.
3. Be Sad. This may sound counter intuitive, but feeling sad can actually be a really positive thing. What you just went through is tough, really tough. You lost a valid connection with another human being and all the history you share with them may even seem tainted. Repressing emotions is never a good thing and often only buries those feelings which eventually will appear later on or makes those feelings worse. Losing a friend is sad, and those feelings you have are valid. So take the time you need to feel sad.
4. Change it up. You just lost something, even though a friend is not a physical thing. Your life might feel like there is now a void or empty space. You might still be falling into old habits like going to send them a meme or call them when you are bored. Changing your life up can help to wipe away old habits and let you start fresh. You will be more conscious of what you are doing and hopefully, get a little creative with your time. Another aspect of losing a friend that changing it up really helps with is if your ex-friend was a part of the same friend group. This might be uncomfortable for everyone in that friend group, especially you. Try another friend group or even try making some new friends. This is not about replacing what you lost, but rather taking another useful step towards moving on. 
5. Reflect on your friendship. This may be a harder step for some, especially if you were in a friendship that  turned from sweet to sour. Many friendships end because of toxic or negative actions, whether they were one-sided or mutual. The root of the toxic events can often be passed over, making this breakup confusing or feel out of the blue. It’s important to identify what you took issue with in the friendship. Whether they are actions or values, you don’t need to agree with them. By identifying what went wrong, you will be able to determine potential red flags (or green flags) in future friendships. 

These are just some tips that might help you ease the grief of your loss. Remember, it takes time. It would be unfair to expect yourself to quickly and easily move on from losing a friend, even if they weren’t your bestie.

Here are some common reasons that friendships end:

• Arguments that go too far
• Misunderstanding and/or miscommunication
• Betrayal
• Dating (each other or crushes)
• Moving to a different location
• Loss of free time
• Change in interests
• Growing apart

If you are reading this blog post because you are in the wake of a friendship breakup or because one of your friends is currently going through one, we are sorry. It will get better. People change as life goes on and so do friendships. One last thing, never let losing a friend negatively impact your self worth. You might have negative thoughts running through your head like, “I wasn’t good enough,” that was never the case. Your feelings are valid and you deserve good friends. Even if it doesn’t seem like it now, your life will be full of opportunities to make many friends in the future – and maybe those friends will be even better suited to you than your last ones.